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International House Times 7 Culture shapes our values, and sense of what is normal and acceptable—and, therefore, preferred conflict styles. For instance, in most (but far from all) U.S. workplaces, the Discussion style is preferred, as it is in many northern European countries. Accommodation style is the norm in China, Japan, and elsewhere. Spain, Greece, and some other southern European countries prefer Engagement style. In many parts of the Middle East, Dynamic style is the norm. As always with culture, these are guidelines, not rules. Every individual is unique. But it can be helpful to understand cultural norms, for two reasons. First, if my preferred style is different from the norms of my culture, I might run into trouble if I don't adapt toward the cultural norm. Second, if I plan to work in a culture different from what I'm used to, it's helpful to know the preferred conflict style of that culture, so that I can adapt my behavior in appropriate and effective ways. e final piece of the puzzle is counteracting our negative stereotypes by actively and intentionally learning to appreciate the values that drive the behaviors we don't like. For example, if my conflict style is Engagement style and it bothers me that my colleague with an Accommodation style communicates indirectly, it could be helpful to recognize that this person might be communicating indirectly because they value group harmony. I might still not like the behavior, but at least now I can understand it, and frame it in cultural terms—and not as a character flaw. As a bonus, appreciation calms the brain's "fight, flight, or freeze" reaction, and enables empathy and logical thinking. From a leadership perspective, understanding conflict styles has many benefits, including: • Learning to manage our own negative reactions to the varied conflict styles of the people we're leading, and shifting to an appreciation-based approach • Recognizing when our colleagues' conflict styles are out of sync with cultural norms, and creating space for these colleagues to be their authentic selves— thereby fostering a sense of inclusion and belonging • Enabling us to guide our organizations toward resolving conflict more quickly, while strengthening human relationships is gives just a taste of the many angles on managing conflict that we presented in the four-hour workshop. is fall, as part of CIL's course, Global Leadership in the 21st Century, which includes many I-House residents, there will be a specific module on this topic as well. Diversity is everywhere, not just where it's obvious. e more we can dig beneath the surface and understand what motivates people to behave as they do, the more successful we will be—as leaders, as roommates, as friends and spouses, and truly in all aspects of our lives. A recent participant of the Managing Conflict course stated: "is workshop was both fun and engaging. e workshop leaders are clearly versed in this material. ey answered questions honestly and vulnerably, which encouraged us to do the same. is workshop definitely passed the morning-after test. I am still thinking about, processing and even applying this information days after the workshop happened." To learn more about CIL's work at I-House and beyond, visit cil.berkeley.edu or email us at cil@berkeley.edu. n Identifying conflict style behaviors Exploring conflict escalators and de-escalators

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